Attachment theory, a concept formulated by psychologist John Bowlby delves into how early relationships with caregivers shape an individual’s relational growth. In recent years, attachment has become an interest among many individuals; however, what commonly seems to be missing from these resources is what to do about attachment. In this post, you’ll learn about the importance of addressing your anxious attachment as well as strategies to mitigate its effect on your relationships.
If you’re someone with an anxious attachment style, you’ll likely find yourself craving intimacy and approval, often grappling with fear of abandonment. If this sounds like you, you’ll benefit from strategies that help you to manage your insecurities, boost self-esteem and reduce dependence on others for emotional validation. Doing so can help you to progress towards more secure attachments and thus, better relationships and feeling better about yourself.
How to Fix Anxious Attachment
Recognizing the triggers of anxious attachment is a crucial step in modifying your attachment behaviors. Triggers can vary; however, they often involve situations that would arouse fears of abandonment or rejection, such as lack of attention from a partner or lack of communication from the partner. When these situations occur, they can activate deep-seated vulnerabilities linked to anxious attachment, prompting behaviors like excessive reassurance-seeking or undue jealousy (Pascuzzo et al., 2013; Deng et al., 2023). These triggers can be clearly mapped through introspective tools such as journaling or engaging in therapy to understand a set of driving underlying emotions. This raised level of consciousness is key in breaking the anxious attached circle and giving room for healthier relationships.
Key strategies also include mindfulness or meditation, including deep breathing exercises and working on your thoughts and actions. These strategies have been found to help people to regulate their emotions, find inner peace and perspective, and reduce anxious feelings, further preventing the stress from intensifying during a triggering activity (Clear et al., 2019; Pace, 2018). Moreover, engaging in therapy can address the deeper emotional issues at the root of this attachment style, providing tools for better emotional management and communication
In addition, building a support system outside of your romantic partner can be helpful. Why? Expanding one’s emotional support system to include friends, family, or members of support groups can provide alternative sources of comfort and reassurance, compared to just one person, who you may be emotionally and intimately connected with. This network can offer a broader perspective, emotional validation, and practical advice for navigating relationship challenges (McDaniel et al., 2017; Rapoza et al., 2016). Furthermore, these relationships enhance security and a sense of belonging. They reduce the pressure that lies in romantic relationships, enabling one not to feel the urge to solicit reassurance from a partner all the time.
Further, it is essential to work on building self-confidence as a part of this process. Establishing personal goals can assist in this progress by offering concrete evidence of ones abilities and reinforcing your self-worth regardless of your relationship status.
Studies indicate that people with anxious attachment often struggle with self-esteem, which can worsen their concerns about being abandoned or rejected (Shaver et al., 2016). It may also increase the amount of people pleasing that you may do. By participating in activities that encourage self-awareness and self-compassion like using affirmations and self-reflection, you can begin to adopt a positive view of yourself. This change is crucial in reducing the need for validation—a common trait of people with anxious attachment.
Engaging in interests and hobbies is another critical piece that can support you on your journey to independence. Involvement in activities that genuinely bring joy can boost confidence. Provide a sense of fulfillment that’s not dependent on another person’s presence or approval (Orth et al., 2018).
Engaging in hobbies, like painting, hiking or learning an instrument can create moments of focus and enjoyment which studies have shown to have positive effects on mental well-being and emotional strength (Stanton & Campbell 2014). Additional benefits include creating a rounded life where there is more to your life than just your romantic relationship and reduced pressure and expectations. It also creates opportunities for interactions beyond connections leading to the formation of a support system that can provide additional emotional comfort and validation (Zhang et al., 2018).
Healing Anxious Attachment in Adults
In short, the road to recovery from an anxious attachment styles will require a blend of self-awareness, therapeutic intervention, and practical strategies tailor-made to actually help build healthier relationships and create improved satisfaction for your life. Those with an anxious attachment style can benefit from identifying triggers, developing effective coping strategies, and expanding their support network to reduce dependence on a single relationship for emotional satisfaction.
That said, if you feel like you could benefit from additional assistance in creating, implementing, or navigating this road to greater self-esteem and improved self-confidence, reach out, and let’s get you working towards where you want to be