Emotional trust is the foundation of any functional relationship — you don’t need a psychology degree to conclude that. However, you may not be aware of the deep connection between physical touch and emotional trust. While their causal link may not be intuitive, in reality, one is impossible without the other. It’s one of the things that makes the avoidant attachment style so difficult to deal with.
Let’s explore why.
Why Is Physical Touch Crucial?
Any therapist will tell you that many people who are unhappy with their relationship feel like they lack affection.
They often complain of their partners “pulling away” from them or that they’re feeling “lonely” even in a relationship. Even when their partners behave lovingly in other ways and clearly show that they care — a lack of physical touch is the actual problem.
Since physical touch can be a powerful antidote to feelings of isolation, it’s particularly important for younger generations who report high levels of disconnection. With rising discussions around Gen Z and loneliness, the role of physical connection in building emotional trust and fostering deeper relationships, cannot be overlooked.
Is a Loving Relationship Without Physicality Possible?
It can take a while for someone to understand what they’re lacking in a relationship, but it often comes down to physical affection. Even if someone says “the right things” and extends gestures that point toward a loving relationship — small physical touches (or a lack thereof) can be the deciding factor.
If there’s no physical attention — from a small kiss in passing to actual love life — people often feel like they’re simply sharing their apartment with a roommate.
This shouldn’t be underestimated as a key factor in relationships. According to research, a lack of physical contact with others (especially loved ones) can even lead to anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues.
When we lack touch, even platonically, we can’t seem to develop deep emotional connections.
How Does Touch Affect Emotional Trust?
The connection between physical touch and emotional trust runs so deep because it traces back to our hormonal responses. Without physical intimacy, we don’t produce as much oxytocin — a hormone associated with feelings of love.
On the other hand, an affectionate touch from a partner can kickstart the production of oxytocin, increasing our feelings of attachment — and, more importantly, emotional trust. Over the long run, we begin to associate our partner with that feeling and with feelings of closeness and security.
There are further benefits to a loving touch. When we feel the touch of someone we consider close and “safe”, our body reacts by lowering its general stress levels. We produce less cortisol and lower our blood pressure and heart rate instinctively. Since cortisol is considered the main stress-related hormone, this is a remarkable effect — all from a simple hug or kiss.
In fact, the right touch can increase our serotonin levels, even lowering physical pain in the process. We begin releasing endorphins, which make us imminently happier. After all, they’re one of the body’s main relaxation mechanisms.
That’s why people in relationships with a healthy dose of physicality are ultimately happier and exhibit less toxic behavior. Their partner’s caring touch provides an instant countermeasure to daily stressors. This is especially important in difficult times, and it’s why a warm embrace is sometimes enough to get us through a particularly tough day.
Using Touch To Improve Well-Being
We’ve concluded that the connection between physical touch and emotional trust is real and impactful. Now, the question is — how can you actively use it to improve your daily well-being?
To maintain the freshness of your relationship, try to provide your partner with all the loving physicality they need daily. If the relationship is healthy, they will do the same for you in return. Doing fun activities near each other, watching a movie while cuddling, and sharing downtime in general — all of these are ample opportunities for a warm hug or kiss.
In simpler terms — when you and your partner are each other’s main source of physical touch, you’ll also develop the strongest level of emotional trust. After all, it’s the main way to communicate your commitment and affection. And you shouldn’t underestimate the power of even the smallest touches — like a peck on the cheek or a hug in passing. They’re all daily reminders of your support for your partner — and vice versa.
Making The Most of Each Interaction
There are always opportunities for physical touch when you spend time with your partner. To use them, make the most of each interaction. For instance, instead of watching a movie on different sides of the couch, actively get closer to your partner and initiate physicality.
On the other hand, you can also choose more activities that are more physical — like dancing lessons or shared workout routines. It doesn’t have to be anything fancy or time-consuming. At the end of the day, even a walk in the neighborhood park can be enough.
Physical closeness in the bedroom is also important to maintain, even just through cuddling before going to sleep.
Be More Spontaneous
To keep the spark alive and promote emotional trust, give your partner a quick touch at random times throughout the day. You can even offer them a massage after an especially hard day. If you display your affection generously to a loving partner, they will be prompted to do the same in return. And there’s no need to wait for a special moment to do so.
Establish Mutual Comfort
Needless to say, mutual comfort is crucial for successfully developing the physicality of your relationship. If you notice that your partner is pulling away from your caring touch, try not to be offended or display guilt and shame.
Instead, realize that this lack of physicality is merely the manifestation of a deeper issue. There’s likely something else posing a problem here — try to openly and effectively communicate to find out what. After you address the issue causing your partner to pull away, it will be easier to re-establish your physicality and emotional trust.
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A touch is far more than a mere gesture. Being comfortable with a partner’s touch is the premier sign of a healthy marriage or relationship. And the connection between physical touch and emotional trust means that the absence of physicality will hurt your emotional bond in the long run.
With that in mind, make an active effort to maintain the physicality of your relationship. It will make resolving any practical or emotional issues easier.
Let’s Talk About What is Going On
Resources:
https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/ijop.12616
https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/oxytocin-the-love-hormone
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/articles/22572-serotonin