Sometimes, work can feel like a real-life soap opera. In one corner, there’s the colleague who never stops chatting about what’s wrong or right with everyone else. In another corner are those who never admit a mistake, choosing to shift blame and responsibility to everyone else. Difficult coworkers seem to be everywhere.
Then there’s senior management — the ones who act like they don’t see what’s happening and refuse to intervene or make good decisions. About a quarter of the workforce believes their managers handle workplace conflict poorly.
Regardless of how zen you are, there’s always that one colleague you have run-ins with; someone from work that you wish you had a smoother relationship with–the difficult co-worker.
If you’re reading this and have a difficult co-worker, you’re in the right place. In this piece, we’ll cover three significant things:
- Types of difficult co-workers (with examples)
- Why you need to address a problematic co-worker situation — not ignore it
- Practical, straightforward ways to deal with a difficult co-worker or employee
Types of difficult coworkers
It may seem unnecessary, but I think it’s helpful to categorize difficult co-workers.
One reason is to validate your experience. It’s not all in your head. Many co-workers genuinely behave in ways that are selfish, thoughtless, and sometimes malicious.
Another is to encourage empathy. Learning more about who is difficult and why they are acting difficult may help you see things from their perspective, enabling you to work through these issues rather than dwell on them.
Inspired by these two articles by Harvard Business Review and Better Up, I have gathered a comprehensive list of the most common archetypes of difficult colleagues:
The pessimist/complainer
Always focuses on problems, rarely on solutions.
The pessimist is generally motivated by anxiety, self-doubt, and sometimes resentment. They can make work dull and energy-sapping.
Example: Your company has just launched a product, but a colleague doesn’t see its point. They’ve never believed in it (even if everyone else does) and are interested in highlighting its less appealing parts.
The passive-aggressive peer
Expresses negative feelings indirectly, often through subtle actions or comments rather than open confrontation.
The passive-aggressive peer is controlled chiefly by fear of rejection and a feeling that they lack power.
Example: After receiving feedback on a project, a coworker responds with, “Thanks for your input. I guess my weeks of hard work weren’t good enough,” then proceeds to give you the cold shoulder for days.
The know-it-all
Dismisses others’ ideas, believing they’re always right.
There’s something curiously universal about this type. Often driven by a fear of being ignored, the know-it-all coworker seizes every opportunity to share their opinion in a way that drowns out the voices of others.
Example: During a team brainstorming session, whenever someone suggests an idea, your coworker interrupts with, “Actually, that won’t work because…” and explains why their approach is the only reasonable one, dismissing others’ contributions without consideration.
The sloth/slacker
Consistently underperforms, affecting team productivity.
Co-workers who dampen your productivity because they are not as efficient as one would reasonably expect fit the description here. It is possible that the sloth has confidence problems and is very afraid of negative feedback.
The gossiper
Spreads rumors and discusses others’ personal matters.
The gossip appears friendly and affable until they go overboard with the rumor spreading and personal space invasion. They often have an unhealthy need to be liked and involved in everyone else’s lives.
How to handle an employee who overreacts
The steps outlined here should be applied carefully and wisely, depending on the co-worker type involved.
Some types require you to extend yourself; others require you to set clear boundaries and curb non-essential interactions.
Understand the situation
First, take a step back. Try to see the bigger picture. Is your coworker truly difficult, or are you misinterpreting their actions?
Sometimes, what we perceive as problematic behavior might be a difference in working style or lack of clear communication.
For example, if a pessimist keeps hammering at the lack of vision from senior management, acknowledge those complaints. They may be true. Offer an alternative view by saying, ‘It’s been tough for them too. Lots of things are changing. Let’s give them more time.’
With a passive-aggressive peer, try deciphering the message they want to convey. Be patient with them and respond appropriately.
Communicate clearly
Clear communication is critical — and this applies to every difficult co-worker type.
Tips for clear communication:
- Be direct but polite
- Create a safe space for honest conversations
- Use “I” statements to express your feelings
- Focus on specific behaviors, not personal attacks
- Listen actively to their perspective
For example, instead of saying, “You’re always late with your reports,” try “I feel stressed when reports are delayed. Can we discuss how to improve our workflow?”
Set boundaries
Boundary setting is preferred for difficult co-workers who try to undervalue or make you feel less.
It may seem aggressive, but it isn’t. There is no trespassing without boundaries. People often assume you’re okay with the status quo if you don’t set clear boundaries.
Some phrases to help you set boundaries include:
- “I’m not comfortable discussing that at work.”
- “I can help with that tomorrow, but right now I need to focus on this task.”
- “Let’s stick to the agenda in our meetings to respect everyone’s time.”
It is OK to say no when necessary. You don’t have to be open to everything.
Ask for help
If you can’t handle a difficult co-worker situation alone, ask for help. Consider talking to your supervisor or consulting HR for guidance.
Why you should address a difficult co-worker problem, not ignore it
Ignoring a difficult coworker is like leaving a leaky faucet unrepaired—the problem only grows over time.
Addressing the issue head-on can improve your work environment, boost productivity, and reduce stress. You won’t need to dread work days when your co-workers make life easy.
Therapist for Medical Professionals
Dealing with difficult coworkers is like working out. Not easy, but over time, it can have great benefits. With clear communication, firm boundaries, and a focus on professionalism, you can navigate these murky waters of workplace conflict.
You can’t control the behavior of others, but you can control your response — and that’s where your focus should be.
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