Betrayal Trauma Symptoms

Betray­al in a rela­tion­ship is a seri­ous thing. You’re left feel­ing lost, bro­ken, and on edge.

• You can’t trust any­more. Every text, every late night at work makes your stom­ach churn. (Trust issues, phys­i­cal pain, and emo­tion­al dys­reg­u­la­tion)
• Your mind nev­er stops rac­ing. You replay the betray­al over and over, look­ing for signs you missed. (Anx­i­ety, dif­fi­cul­ty con­cen­trat­ing)
• Inti­ma­cy feels impos­si­ble. How can you be close to some­one who hurt you so deeply? How can you be so close to any­one when, by virtue of that close­ness, you become too vul­ner­a­ble? (Dis­so­ci­a­tion)
• You fight dif­fer­ent­ly now. Sim­ple dis­agree­ments esca­late as old wounds reopen (i.e., PTSD, sub­stance abuse)

Trau­ma that aris­es out of a gut-wrench­ing betray­al is betray­al trau­ma. The most com­mon caus­es of betray­al of a lev­el high enough to trig­ger trau­ma in rela­tion­ships include:

• Infi­deli­ty (emo­tion­al or phys­i­cal)
• Finan­cial decep­tion
• Hid­den addic­tions
• Chron­ic lying about sig­nif­i­cant mat­ters

As a trau­ma type, betray­al trau­ma is often dis­missed; Peo­ple found it dif­fi­cult to accept that a vio­la­tion of trust could have any real psy­cho­log­i­cal impact. Betray­al trau­ma hap­pens when some­one you depend on for sur­vival, well-being, or secu­ri­ty vio­lates your trust in a sig­nif­i­cant way. It’s not just about feel­ing hurt — it’s about hav­ing your fun­da­men­tal sense of safe­ty shat­tered by some­one who was sup­posed to pro­tect it.

Betray­al trau­ma was first observed in chil­dren who faced abuse from care­givers. The the­o­ry sug­gests that the human brain blocks out betray­al because it’s try­ing to pro­tect our essen­tial rela­tion­ships. But ‘block­ing’ is unhealthy because it pre­vents us from prop­er­ly pro­cess­ing the neg­a­tive emo­tions from the betray­al. The longer those emo­tions remain unprocessed, the more intru­sive and dis­rup­tive they become. In rela­tion­ships, it can mean denial, min­i­miz­ing the betray­al, or even blam­ing your­self. Our bod­ies can also remem­ber the trau­ma and store it for future use, as in warn­ing us when sit­u­a­tions or indi­vid­u­als appear to be threat­en­ing. 

The dif­fer­ence between emo­tion­al dis­tress and betray­al trau­ma in a rela­tion­ship is stark. Emo­tion­al dis­tress response after a breach of trust means curl­ing up in bed and cry­ing for hours, lis­ten­ing to sap­py songs online. That usu­al­ly ends. A betray­al trau­ma response, on the oth­er hand, hits deep and can linger for a life­time if recov­ery is not pri­or­i­tized. Peo­ple expe­ri­enc­ing betray­al trau­ma describe a feel­ing of per­ma­nent loss of trust. Unable to bring them­selves to trust some­one else, they may try to sab­o­tage every rela­tion­ship, in an effort to pro­tect them­selves, even when there’s absolute­ly no rea­son to.

Attempt­ing to ‘solve’ the prob­lem through sub­stance abuse, sex, food, or unhealthy rela­tion­ships is sim­i­lar­ly anoth­er response to betray­al trau­ma. Instead of actu­al­ly solv­ing the prob­lem, these choic­es only pro­vide short-term relief. Heal­ing from betray­al trau­ma can occur, through work­ing with a licensed ther­a­pist. With just the right blend of pro­fes­sion­al help, proac­tive­ly address­ing the issue, lean­ing into build­ing trust, whether with same part­ner or a new rela­tion­ship, cre­at­ing a com­mu­ni­ty of sup­port, and pro­fes­sion­al help, it is pos­si­ble to learn to trust peo­ple again, even, the one respon­si­ble for the betray­al.

Online Therapy in Austin, TX

For indi­vid­u­als expe­ri­enc­ing betray­al trau­ma, it can be dif­fi­cult to know what to do fol­low­ing the dis­clo­sure of the betray­al. Here are four steps you can use to nav­i­gate your next steps. 

Get the support you deserve

In con­junc­tion with ther­a­py, find­ing a sup­port group for betray­al trau­ma is one of the best steps you can do. A num­ber of pri­vate men­tal health prac­tices offer these groups in the area. Sup­port groups can val­i­date your expe­ri­ences and empathize with your grief, as well as pro­vide you with an oppor­tu­ni­ty to process what hap­pened. 

Get Your Needs Met

Your needs mat­ter. Focus on self-care that makes you feel stronger — whether that’s yoga, main­tain­ing a clean home, hir­ing out­side help for house­hold or child­care, jour­nal­ing, or time with friends who sup­port you. 

Rebuild trust at your own pace

Trust grows through small, con­sis­tent actions over time. The lit­tle things are where the focus should be. Don’t rush the heal­ing process, or let any­one else rush you. Iden­ti­fy and acknowl­edge your feel­ings; sup­press­ing them often deep­ens the pain. When you’re ready, com­mu­ni­cate with your part­ner, whether it is your emo­tion­al state, your bound­aries, or your expec­ta­tions mov­ing for­ward. 

Decide your path forward

Find­ing the right ther­a­pist in Austin Texas who under­stands betray­al trau­ma can be your life­line. Through online ther­a­py, you can start heal­ing from the com­fort and pri­va­cy of your home. Whether you choose to rebuild your rela­tion­ship or move on, ther­a­py can help you find clar­i­ty and con­fi­dence in your deci­sion.

Barriers to Seeking Help

Bar­ri­ers often exist when peo­ple seek online ther­a­py in Austin. Two com­mon bar­ri­ers that I have seen affect­ing indi­vid­u­als with betray­al trau­ma are the fol­low­ing: 

Soci­etal Expec­ta­tions

Women are often taught to be the emo­tion­al care­tak­ers in rela­tion­ships. As a result, you might invest more of your iden­ti­ty in main­tain­ing con­nec­tions. As a result, some women inter­nal­ize the betray­al as a per­son­al fail­ure, or a fail­ure in not doing some­thing. This is not true. You are the recip­i­ent of the betray­al; you did not force the oth­er per­son to make this choice. 

Financial Considerations

When part­nered, indi­vid­u­als reg­u­lar­ly become finan­cial­ly reliant on each oth­er. One part­ner may stay at home while the oth­er works, or one part­ner may stay at home with chil­dren while the oth­er goes to work. This depen­dence makes betray­al not just emo­tion­al­ly dev­as­tat­ing but also threat­en­ing to your secu­ri­ty and sur­vival. While it is pos­si­ble for part­ners to leave the rela­tion­ship, finan­cial con­sid­er­a­tions are one of the more com­mon things that indi­vid­u­als expe­ri­enc­ing betray­al trau­ma notice as an adverse con­se­quence. 

Therapist for betrayal trauma 

Betray­al trau­ma needs sup­port that fits your life to heal, whether it is avoid­ing long trips to your therapist’s office or mit­i­gat­ing the risks of bump­ing into some­one who reminds you of the betray­al at your therapist’s office.

Online ther­a­py offers pre­cise­ly that —

• Flex­i­ble sched­ul­ing that works around your com­mit­ments
• A safe space to explore your feel­ings with­out judg­ment
• EMDR-licensed ther­a­pists who under­stand the unique chal­lenges of betray­al trau­ma

Betray­al trau­ma is deeply painful, but with the right sup­port, you can heal and move for­ward — whether that means rebuild­ing your rela­tion­ship or find­ing the strength to start anew.

Austin has many qual­i­fied ther­a­pists who offer online ses­sions specif­i­cal­ly for betray­al trau­ma — and I’m one of them. Reach out today to begin your jour­ney toward heal­ing.

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