There are times when life feels like it’s spinning out of control—when emotions surge, anxiety grips you, and everything feels overwhelming. You might find yourself snapping at loved ones, unable to focus, or retreating into the comfort of your bed, binge-watching a show just to avoid reality.
Understanding your “window of tolerance” can be transformative in these moments.
The window of tolerance is like an emotional sweet spot, a range where you can process stress without completely losing your cool or checking out.
What Is the Window of Tolerance?
This time, think of your emotional state as temperature. Your window of tolerance is the optimal condition—not too hot or cold.
Dr. Dan Siegel, who introduced the concept of the window of tolerance, describes it as your balanced zone—a state where you’re calm, alert, and capable. When you’re here, emotions flow without overwhelming you, and you respond to situations thoughtfully rather than reactively.
Surely, you must have felt it before. If being in this window is a concept so unfamiliar to you, it’s probably because you have some experience with trauma or anxiety.
When mental health challenges like trauma or extreme stress are thrown into the mix, staying within this window can be a proper struggle. Your stressors can easily push you out of your window and into a state of dysregulation.
When pushed outside your window of tolerance, you can end up in one of two states:
Hyperarousal
This is the “fight or flight” zone. You feel anxious, afraid, defensive, restless, or overwhelmed. Your heart races, and it’s hard to think straight.
- Heart racing like you’ve had ten cups of coffee
- Thoughts spinning faster than a carnival ride
- Feeling like you need to move, fight, or flee
- Irritability that makes a grumpy cat look friendly
Hypoarousal
This is the “freeze” zone. You might feel numb, disconnected, or unable to act. It’s like your mind has shut down to protect you. In this state, everything feels flat, uninteresting and uninspiring.
- Feeling frozen or numb, like you’re watching life through a foggy window
- Difficulty thinking or making decisions
- A sense of heaviness or exhaustion
- Disconnection from your surroundings or yourself
The goal is to recognize when you’re outside your tolerance window and develop strategies for regaining balance.
Signs of Anxiety
Anxiety loves to push us out of our window of tolerance and is defo one of the most common reasons people find themselves outside their window of tolerance.
Here are some signs to watch for:
- Physical Symptoms
- Racing heart
- Sweating
- Shaking or trembling
- Tension or tightness in the body
-
Cognitive Symptoms
- Persistent worry or fear
- Difficulty concentrating
- Overthinking or catastrophizing
-
Emotional Symptoms
- Feeling overwhelmed or out of control
- Irritability or restlessness
- A sense of impending doom
-
Behavioral Symptoms
- Avoiding situations that might trigger anxiety
- Procrastinating or hesitating
- Repeatedly seeking reassurance
Anxiety can be a powerful force, but it’s important to remember that it doesn’t have to control you. Understanding your window of tolerance can help you manage these feelings more effectively.
How to Apply the Window of Tolerance to Manage Anxiety
So, how can you use the window of tolerance to manage anxiety? Here are some practical steps:
Recognize When You’re Outside the Window
The first step is awareness. Get to know your emotional weather pattern. Know what it feels like when you’re:
- In your window (calm, present, engaged)
- Above your window (anxious, overwhelmed, reactive)
- Below your window (numb, disconnected, shut down)
You probably think it’s difficult to be this aware in the moment. That’s true, but the aim isn’t flawlessness. Simply having it at the back of your mind puts you in a much better position to manage your anxious side — and that’s all you need.
Use Grounding Techniques to Re-Enter the Window
When you’re feeling anxious, grounding techniques can bring you back into your window of tolerance:
For Hyperarousal
- Practice box breathing: inhale (4 counts), hold (4), exhale (4), hold (4)
- Run cold water over your wrists
- Name five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste
- Count backward from 100 by 7s (it’s hard enough to require focus but not so hard it’s frustrating)
For Hypoarousal
- Move your body – stretch, jump, or dance
- Use strong sensory inputs – smell essential oils or eat something sour
- Press your feet firmly into the ground and feel the support beneath you
- Engage in gentle physical activity like walking or yoga
Expand Your Window
Your window of tolerance can grow with some effort.
Start with regular mindfulness practice, even if it’s just 5 minutes daily. This might look like sitting quietly and observing your breath or using a meditation app to guide you. Progressive muscle relaxation can be particularly powerful, as it teaches you to recognize and release tension you might not even realize you’re holding.
Physical exercise also helps, as long as it’s something you enjoy. Whether you dance in your living room, take a bike ride, or practice yoga, movement helps regulate your nervous system.
Don’t forget journaling. Writing helps you process emotions and spot patterns you might otherwise miss.
Create an Emotional First Aid Kit and Ask for Help
When you feel settled in your window of tolerance next, do something nice for your anxious side. You may, for example, create a playlist of songs that soothe you when you feel overwhelmed or energize you when you feel down.
Similarly, maintain an updated list of your support system’s contact information, including friends, family, and mental health professionals who understand and support your journey.
Wrap Up
The window of tolerance is where you handle life’s challenges without shutting down or falling apart. While anxiety might occasionally push you out of this zone, you’re not stuck there.
With practice and the right tools, you can find your way back.
