Dating a Man Going Through Divorce
On average, people would rather not date a man going through a divorce.
But, sometimes, life has its own plans, and you find yourself developing feelings for a recently divorced or currently divorcing Texas Good Ol’ Boy.
It’s great news, and love should, of course, be appreciated wherever we find it. But before you commit to the highs and lows of dating, there are a few essential things you should understand.
As a relationship therapist who’s guided many couples through this complex journey, I’ve seen both the challenges and beautiful possibilities that can emerge from these situations.
Johnny Cash Understand Your Man
Divorce can be a challenging and nebulous time for many men, both those who have filed and those whose partners filed. These challenges may continue even after the divorce as well, such as custody arrangements, managing visitations, or communication with the ex-partner. Challenges can also be internal, such as commitment issues, public perception, emotion management, and leftover emotion from the divorce. Unfortunately, many Americans don’t receive adequate emotional intelligence exposure, from identifying feelings, communicating feelings, or even feeling okay sharing feelings. These deficits are aptly captured Johnny Cash’s song, “Understand Your Man” in how men may respond after a conflict. Consider too, that conflicts may bring up old wounds or unresolved emotional health issues from past relationships, be they from divorce or relationships that just didn’t work out. In sum, our past informs our present and our brains create behaviors to try and mitigate the hurts.
Here are some behaviors you may see in your relationship while dating a divorced man in Texas, or a divorced man anywhere:
Skepticism about Commitment
Whether freshly out of his marriage or been divorced for awhile, men are likely to be skeptical about serious commitments. A common time period for people to wait after getting divorced is approximately one year before they are ready to seriously consider dating again. Don’t take his caution personally – this hesitancy reflects his healing process, not your worth.
Healing from a marriage’s end requires time and emotional space.
To be or not to be vulnerable
You may see sides of him most people don’t. Whether out and about or at home, he may cry, express fear, or show uncertainty. He may also provide feedback about how your actions may mirror his previous partner’s actions. Pause before taking offense; these moments of vulnerability are precious gifts of trust. If you are also divorced, you may see him do things your ex-partner did as well. When this occurs, be transparent and share this feedback.
Texas culture often expects men to maintain a strong exterior. That makes these private displays of emotion particularly meaningful and worthy of gentle handling.
Withdrawal
Your man may struggle for weeks, months, and sometimes years with his experiences. While it depends on a variety of factors, what often makes a difference is the duration of his previous relationship.
Watch for him pulling back after particularly good moments together. Talk with him; ask if he wants space or a companion. Collaborate together on how to best respond to his emotions, especially if there are children involved who are still adjusting to their new family reality.
Accept the “Hurry up and wait” mantra
Divorces in Texas rarely follow neat schedules. Court dates change, paperwork gets delayed, and unexpected complications arise.
Your plans together will need flexibility, and having a patient, understanding attitude will prove invaluable when the going gets tough.
Navigate Public Perception
Some men prefer privacy until the divorce finalizes, particularly in tight-knit Texas communities where news travels fast. Others want to show off their new relationship proudly.
Be especially ready for conversations about when to go “Facebook official” or attend events together. Either way, respect his comfort level with public acknowledgment.
Handle Family Dynamics
His kids, if he has them, come as part of the package. His ex-wife remains connected through co-parenting, and custody arrangements can be complex.
Expect intricate family dynamics and schedule juggling. Your role will require patience, understanding, and respect for established family boundaries.
Remember that on average, blended families take about 7 years to find a rhythm that works.
Trust His Pace
Rushing physical intimacy or relationship milestones often backfires. Let him initiate major steps forward.
Your patience now builds trust for later, and that creates a stronger foundation for your future together.
Distractions May Come
Property divisions, legal meetings, and financial negotiations will compete for his attention. As will navigating coparenting and time with his kids.
Some days, divorce administration may take away time in the evenings. Practice flexibility and understanding.
Communicate Your Feelings
Express your needs clearly and kindly. Don’t bottle up concerns or questions about where you stand.
Open dialogue now sets a healthy pattern for your future together.
Clear communication becomes especially crucial when navigating the uncertainties of dating during divorce.
Maintain Independence
Keep investing in your own life. Strong friendships and personal hobbies help you stay grounded when his divorce drama intensifies.
Divorce Therapy
Men often resist therapy during divorce, but gentle encouragement to seek counseling can make a significant difference. It’s not a sign of weakness but a tool for stronger relationships.
If you’ve got any questions you’d like to ask me on this, reach out to me to schedule an appointment here.
