Your past helps define you as the person you are today. While it may feel like your childhood was long ago, the attachment with parents, grandparents, or kin, whether good and bad influenced you and shaped you into the person you are today. Childhood trauma relates to a trauma or negative life experiences that happened to someone in early childhood. The most common form of childhood trauma is abuse or neglect. There are also certain interactions or lack of interactions between a child and their primary caregiver that can lead to childhood or attachment trauma. Let’s learn more about the signs of unhealed attachment trauma and how to move forward.
Signs of Unhealed Attachment Trauma
The Comparison Game
Someone who has attachment trauma, especially unhealed attachment trauma, is also likely to have low self-esteem. Individuals with this type of trauma may have felt like they were constantly criticized or compared against their own siblings, classmates, or peers. Since this was a common occurrence as a child, it’s commonly brought into their adulthood without even realizing it.
Lack of Boundaries
Boundaries are essential in any type of healthy relationship. Individuals who experienced trauma in their childhood may not know how to set boundaries or set boundaries that are either too loose and general or too firm. People with boundaries that are either nonexistent or too loose have been used to letting people treat them with no respect. People who have too firm of boundaries may be doing so to protect themselves.
Relationship Struggles
Childhood trauma can also hurt the relationships that are formed with others while growing up and into adulthood. There may be a fear associated with getting too close to people. This can make it harder to form and build relationships. While avoidance is common, another common situation is jumping in and out of relationships. Some individuals may have a harder time being alone, and they’ll try to fill any emptiness they may have to prove that they are loveable.
How to Move Forward
Now that we’ve learned about a few of the signs of unhealed attachment trauma let’s learn more about how to move forward. No matter when the trauma occurred, moving forward is possible. These are a few of the different ways that you can start.
Allow Yourself to Feel
One of the best ways to move forward is to admit to yourself and acknowledge your different thoughts and feelings. Allowing yourself to feel can help you process those thoughts and emotions and move forward. The longer you continue without processing those emotions, the longer you’ll be stuck in the past.
Be Open and Honest
Not only should you be open and honest with yourself, but you should aim to have this same level of communication with others. This can be easier said than done for someone who has a past of attachment trauma. Communication is a human essential. It’s just as important as food, water, and shelter. Try to get out of your comfort zone and practice communicating with others. This will help you develop healthy social skills to build healthy relationships moving forward.
Seek Additional Support
You may not be able to change your past, but you can change your future. Dr. Bradford Stucki, a licensed and trained mental health professional can help you move forward in your life again. He will work with you to get to the root cause of your unleashed trauma, help you cope with the signs and symptoms you’re experiencing, and be able to cope and heal. Set up a consultation to learn more about trauma therapy and how we can support you as you move forward.