The Attach­ment The­o­ry was orig­i­nal­ly devel­oped by John Bowl­by and Mary Ainsworth pri­mal­ly to under­stand the devel­op­ment of emo­tion­al con­nec­tion between an indi­vid­ual and their pri­ma­ry care­giv­er. This emo­tion­al con­nec­tion influ­ences one’s behav­ioral pat­tern when inter­act­ing with oth­ers through­out their life. To bet­ter under­stand these pat­terns Bowl­by and Ainsworth cat­e­go­rized these pat­terns into the attach­ment styles we know today: secure, anx­ious, avoidant, and anx­ious-avoidant. Each rep­re­sents a unique way in which indi­vid­u­als relate to oth­ers, through both con­nec­tion and stress. Yet, when a trau­mat­ic event occurs, indi­vid­u­als’ attach­ment styles can shift and cre­ate con­se­quences that have last­ing effects.

What are the different attachment styles

Secure Attachment

Secure attach­ment devel­ops when the care­giv­er is con­sis­tent­ly avail­able and respon­sive to an infan­t’s needs, pro­vid­ing him or her with a sense of safe­ty and assur­ance. Peo­ple with secure attach­ments gen­er­al­ly feel wor­thy and see them­selves as lov­able. These peo­ple believe that oth­er peo­ple are gen­er­al­ly reli­able and trust­wor­thy. Peo­ple with secure attach­ment styles also tend to dis­play healthy, adap­tive behav­iors in rela­tion­ships. They are com­fort­able in inti­ma­cy and at the same time feel com­fort­able being inde­pen­dent. They com­mu­ni­cate open­ly and hon­est­ly, and can con­front their part­ners in a con­struc­tive man­ner. These peo­ple are also good at encour­ag­ing and nur­tur­ing their part­ners with emo­tion­al sup­port. Peo­ple in secure attach­ment rela­tion­ships gen­er­al­ly char­ac­ter­ize their expe­ri­ences through respect, empa­thy, and a bal­ance of turn tak­ing.

Anxious Attachment (Preoccupied)

Chil­dren with anx­ious attach­ment devel­op it in cas­es where a care­giver’s response is incon­sis­tent, lead­ing to the devel­op­ment of inse­cu­ri­ty in the child. Rejec­tion is some­thing adults with an anx­ious attach­ment will most of the time be very afraid of and, in some instances, doubt that they are wor­thy of being loved. Usu­al­ly in their rela­tion­ships with oth­ers, they present high expres­sive, impul­sive, and anx­i­ety symp­toms. Per­sons with anx­ious attach­ment are usu­al­ly depen­dent on their rela­tion­ships for self-esteem. A per­son with anx­ious attach­ment will often seek approval and reas­sur­ance from their part­ners exces­sive­ly which may lead to a stress­ful rela­tion­ship. Their intense eager­ness in main­tain­ing close­ness can show as pos­ses­sive­ness, clingy behav­iors, and chron­ic fear of being desert­ed. Some of them show “height­ened inter­per­son­al sen­si­tiv­i­ty”: they will respond strong­ly to the actions and moods of their part­ners and may even read small laps­es as a threat to the rela­tion­ship.

Avoidant Attachment (Dismissive)

Avoidant (or dis­mis­sive) attach­ment fre­quent­ly devel­ops in chil­dren whose care­givers are emo­tion­al­ly unavail­able or unre­spon­sive to their needs. Peo­ple of this attach­ment style usu­al­ly become exces­sive­ly self-reliant and they may dis­miss the impor­tance of close rela­tion­ships. Most­ly, they always con­sid­er them­selves self-reliant and tend to be inde­pen­dent. Usu­al­ly, those with an avoidant attach­ment don’t like to get emo­tion­al­ly close to their part­ners in rela­tion­ships. For exam­ple, they may feel uneasy in mat­ters of inti­ma­cy, and they may sup­press their emo­tions in order not to become high­ly emo­tion­al­ly engaged. Peo­ple with avoidant attach­ment will com­mon­ly with­draw dur­ing con­flict and fail to attend to their part­ner’s emo­tion­al needs. These peo­ple may also see express­ing love or being vul­ner­a­ble as a point of weak­ness or inva­sion.

Anxious-Avoidant Attachment (Fearful-Avoidant)

Anx­ious-avoidant, or even fear­ful-avoidant, pat­terns of attach­ment are linked with motives that involve a desire for close­ness and inti­ma­cy. Indi­vid­u­als with this attach­ment style , how­ev­er, have the fear of trust­ing oth­ers com­plete­ly and fear being hurt in the process. This may be due to past trau­ma or care­giv­er incon­sis­ten­cy. This type of attach­ment style cre­ates con­fu­sion between one’s desire for affec­tion and the fear it will bring. Anx­ious-avoidant indi­vid­u­als will be push-pull ori­ent­ed in their rela­tion­ships. They might approach part­ners with a desire for inti­ma­cy, only to with­draw when rela­tion­ships get too close or emo­tion­al­ly intense. The avoidant-attach­ment pat­tern may cre­ate tur­moil in the rela­tion­ship where the anx­ious-avoidant part­ner grap­ples with the fear of aban­don­ment and the fear of inti­ma­cy. Their behav­iors may, at times, feel like being on a rollercoaster—where at one point they are close and at anoth­er time, they are with­draw­ing and lack­ing self-assur­ance.

Symptoms of how trauma affects attachment

In addi­tion to affect­ing the brain, trau­ma can also inter­fere with the attach­ment sys­tem of an indi­vid­ual such as:

• Dimin­ish­ing the vic­tim’s belief of liv­ing in a safe and pre­dictable world. These peo­ple may have a dis­tort­ed per­cep­tion of safe­ty in rela­tion­ships and pos­si­bly basic mis­trust.

• Becom­ing clingi­er and overde­pen­dent as a means of try­ing to secure emo­tion­al safe­ty.

• Pulling away from the sit­u­a­tion as a defense against get­ting more emo­tion­al pain.

• Hav­ing out­bursts of strong emo­tion­al reac­tions or numb­ness

• Uncon­scious­ly re-enact­ing past prob­lems in cur­rent rela­tion­ships.

Effects of Trauma on Anxious Attachment

Trau­ma can mag­ni­fy pre-exist­ing anx­ious­ness in those with an anx­ious attach­ment style, lead­ing them to exag­ger­ate their respons­es to real or imag­ined rela­tion­al threats. This may mean ask­ing for more reas­sur­ance, increas­ing emo­tion­al dis­tress, and being high­ly reac­tive to even sub­tle changes in the mood or behav­ior of the part­ner.

After trau­ma, peo­ple with an anx­ious attach­ment may become even more depen­dent on their close rela­tion­ships for feel­ings of secu­ri­ty and self-worth. They then become over­ly depen­dent, strain­ing close rela­tion­ships, and part­ners may some­times feel over­whelmed or need to with­draw, fur­ther con­firm­ing the fears of aban­don­ment held by the anx­ious­ly attached indi­vid­ual.

Effects of Trauma on Avoidant Attachment

Trau­ma may increase the nat­ur­al ten­den­cy of avoid­ance in a per­son with avoidant attach­ment, dis­trust of oth­er peo­ple, and the skep­ti­cism of the reli­a­bil­i­ty of inti­mate rela­tion­ships even fur­ther. They may find them­selves avoid­ing com­mu­ni­ca­tion or reject­ing offers for sup­port. Avoidants may expe­ri­ence addi­tion­al iso­la­tion, feel­ings of lone­li­ness, and mis­un­der­stand­ing among part­ners or peers.

Effects of Trauma on Anxious-Avoidant Attachment

Trau­ma­tized indi­vid­u­als with an anx­ious-avoidant attach­ment style often find them­selves in height­ened con­flicts between their need for emo­tion­al close­ness and the fear of get­ting too close, which may cre­ate con­fu­sion and alien­ation among part­ners. The push-pull nature of an anx­ious-avoidant indi­vid­ual may become more errat­ic when faced with trau­ma. They become char­ac­ter­ized by unpre­dictabil­i­ty in mood swings, with incon­sis­ten­cy in com­mu­ni­ca­tion and sud­den shifts in rela­tion dynam­ics.

Attach­ment the­o­ry togeth­er with trau­ma-informed care is key to ther­a­peu­tic effec­tive­ness in out­comes. If you’ve found your­self a vic­tim of child­hood or adult trau­ma and wish to address it, reach out today.

Start on your jour­ney to change

In our final blog post, we will review pro­tec­tive fac­tors and resilien­cy as a way to mit­i­gate the effects of ACEs.