Difference Between Empathy and Sympathy

Friend­ly notice:

This blog post isn’t about you (not exactly)—it’s about the peo­ple in your life who seek your emo­tion­al sup­port.

In our jour­ney through the wild­ly enter­tain­ing and lim­it-test­ing carousel that is life, we often expe­ri­ence sit­u­a­tions where oth­ers need our emo­tion­al support—a friend who’s just lost a fam­i­ly mem­ber or a part­ner strug­gling at work.

How we respond in these sit­u­a­tions affects the heal­ing process. Respond the wrong way and you risk emo­tion­al­ly desta­bi­liz­ing some­one who needs you.

Two of the most com­mon respons­es are sym­pa­thy and empa­thy. Many peo­ple won­der what the dif­fer­ence is between empa­thy and sym­pa­thy. 

Con­trary to one or two mod­ern the­o­ries on these terms, both are pos­i­tive. They both require a humane approach—and that can nev­er be a bad thing.

How­ev­er, one response (empa­thy) stands out because its pos­i­tive impact is much big­ger and is always seen as suf­fi­cient­ly sup­port­ive. The oth­er (sym­pa­thy) is good but doesn’t always offer the need­ed sup­port.

In this piece, we’ll dis­cuss:

• The def­i­n­i­tions of empa­thy and sym­pa­thy
• How they dif­fer
• When to use one response above the oth­er

Definition of Sympathy vs Empathy

One look at the two words reveals that empa­thy and sym­pa­thy share the term ‘pathy,’ which is drawn from ‘pathos,’ a Greek noun that means emo­tion, feel­ing, and expe­ri­ence.

Despite the vil­i­fi­ca­tion of ‘sym­pa­thy’ in cer­tain quar­ters today, the term still means and indi­cates a show of emo­tion­al sup­port.

In the lin­guis­tic sense, sym­pa­thy is the big broth­er here. It’s been around for much longer and has always been used to describe ’ a feel­ing of sin­cere con­cern for some­one expe­ri­enc­ing some­thing dif­fi­cult…’

But that def­i­n­i­tion always felt a lit­tle too restric­tive.

In the 20th cen­tu­ry, schol­ars in psy­chol­o­gy and phi­los­o­phy want­ed anoth­er word to describe an advanced kind of sym­pa­thy.

They want­ed to describe not just sin­cere con­cern but the ‘active shar­ing in the suf­fer­ing of another’s per­son­al emo­tion­al expe­ri­ence.’ The term empa­thy was born to define exact­ly that.

That is the dif­fer­ence, real­ly.

Sym­pa­thy means you feel bad for some­one.

Empa­thy means you don’t just feel bad; rather, you under­stand what they’re going through.

Sym­pa­thy says, ‘I’m sor­ry you failed the test.’

Empa­thy says, ‘After all that effort you put in, it’s quite sad things didn’t work out. I real­ly want­ed you to ace the test. I empathize with you.’

Empathy vs Sympathy — which is better? 

At some point in his­to­ry, sym­pa­thy was the go-to word for emo­tion­al sup­port­ive ges­tures. Thanks to social media and the web, which spread access to infor­ma­tion, more peo­ple have learned that empa­thy is the gold stan­dard for show­ing emo­tion­al sup­port.

Now, the zeit­geist seems to be:

If you sym­pa­thize, you’re alright, but you can do bet­ter. If you empathize, you’re a bas­tion of emo­tion­al awe­some­ness.

But the truth here is that none of these terms is fun­da­men­tal­ly bet­ter when it comes to being sup­port­ive.

Some­times, sym­pa­thy is the most appro­pri­ate response in a sce­nario. Oth­er times, empa­thy leads the way.

Yes, sym­pa­thy is feel­ing pity for some­one, while empa­thy is real­ly feel­ing with some­one. Yes, empa­thy offers more emo­tion­al sup­port than sym­pa­thy. But no, show­ing empa­thy is not ‘bet­ter’ than express­ing sym­pa­thy.

As good as being empa­thet­ic sounds (and it’s excel­lent), one can not afford to empathize in every dif­fi­cult sit­u­a­tion with­out incur­ring great men­tal health costs.

If you active­ly share in someone’s suf­fer­ing all the time, you may lose a huge chunk of your capac­i­ty to share in your own suf­fer­ing, caus­ing emo­tion­al exhaus­tion.

Sim­i­lar­ly, being sym­pa­thet­ic is inef­fec­tive when some­one expects you to relate to them rather than be detached. Sym­pa­thy can’t be trust­ed in tough sit­u­a­tions. It’s just not good enough.

Empathy vs Sympathy Examples

When to use empathy

When should you break out the big empa­thy guns? In sit­u­a­tions of deep per­son­al pain or loss.

These are moments where you real­ly need to step into some­one else’s shoes to offer the required emo­tion­al sup­port:

Death of a loved one (pet, child, rel­a­tive)

When some­one is griev­ing, they need to feel under­stood and sup­port­ed.

An empa­thet­ic response might be, “I can’t imag­ine the pain you’re going through. Your love for them was evi­dent, and I know this loss must be unbear­able.”

Per­son­al fail­ures or set­backs

When some­one faces a sig­nif­i­cant set­back, empa­thy can help them feel less alone. For exam­ple, “I under­stand how dis­ap­point­ing this must be. You put so much effort into this, and it’s okay to feel frus­trat­ed or sad.”

Men­tal health strug­gles

Empa­thy is cru­cial when some­one is deal­ing with men­tal health issues. An empa­thet­ic response could be, “I hear how chal­leng­ing these thoughts and feel­ings are for you. It must be exhaust­ing to deal with this every day.”

Use empa­thy in these sit­u­a­tions. You’ll help the per­son feel tru­ly heard and under­stood.

When to use sympathy

While empa­thy is often the more pow­er­ful response, there are sit­u­a­tions where a lit­tle less pow­er is appropriate—and that’s where sym­pa­thy shines:

Minor incon­ve­niences

When some­one is deal­ing with an incon­ve­nience, sym­pa­thy can be suf­fi­cient.

For instance, “Sor­ry about your flat tire. That sucks.”

Dis­tant acquain­tances’ strug­gles

If you don’t know some­one well, sym­pa­thy might be more appro­pri­ate than try­ing to empathize with a sit­u­a­tion you’re not famil­iar with.

When you can’t relate to the expe­ri­ence

If some­one is going through some­thing you’ve nev­er expe­ri­enced and can’t imag­ine, a sym­pa­thet­ic response might be more gen­uine than try­ing to empathize.

Sym­pa­thy in these sit­u­a­tions acknowl­edges the per­son­’s strug­gle and offers emo­tion­al sup­port with­out risk­ing emo­tion­al burnout.

Recap

Bring­ing emo­tion­al sup­port to oth­ers is impor­tant. If the peo­ple around you can trust you to be help­ful, sup­port­ive, and not insen­si­tive in chal­leng­ing times, then you’re doing many things right.

Empa­thy and sym­pa­thy are ever-help­ful tools in this regard.

While empa­thy is a much more pow­er­ful emo­tion­al sup­port tool, it’s not always right. Some­times, a pat on the back does a lot more good than a bear hug.

Know­ing when to express one feel­ing above the oth­er makes you even bet­ter at offer­ing emo­tion­al sup­port. When in doubt, how­ev­er, express empa­thy.

Above all, gen­uine­ly show up for those who mat­ter to you — that counts!

When should I seek therapy? 

If you find your­self get­ting caught up by past mis­takes, feel­ings, griev­ances, or resent­ments that you’re hold­ing against anoth­er per­son, seek­ing ther­a­py is a great way to address and resolve these issues. Send me a mes­sage by click­ing on the below and let’s talk about what you’d like to change in your rela­tion­ships. 

Send me a mes­sage and I’ll reach out to you